Lessons from the Heart

Almost a year ago, my aunt had a massive heart attack.  Every day for several month after had been a roller coaster ride of emotions, not knowing what was going to happen to her at each moment.  Fortunately, she survived with her newly installed permanent heart pump.  Her health has improved greatly, and she now has been put on the waiting list for a heart transplant, which the doctors didn’t think would happen.  This ordeal has given me and my cousins a great deal to process in familial patterns and emotional attitudes that created my aunt’s condition.

My aunt is not the first in our family to have heart issues.  My mother had a heart attack and survived five years ago.  My uncle (their brother) had a heart attack and died three years ago.  My granddaddy (their father) died from heart issues.  The weird thing is they were all 65 years of age, and each of them had their episodes in the month of September.  Obviously there is strong genetic component to their identical issues, but I believe it goes much deeper to the emotional attitudes of each of them.

Based on what I know about my granddaddy’s life, he did not have it that easy.  His parents were emotionally unavailable, and his mother, my great grandmother, had schizophrenia.  My mom and her siblings had a similar experience of their parents not really being there for them emotionally.  My granddaddy was abusive in multiple ways with his kids and was a serial adulterer.  My grandmother was clinically depressed and checked out of her life situation with alcohol.  When my mom was 12, my grandmother even tried to commit suicide.

My experience growing up with my mom was similar in that I felt like I was not loved and worthy.  She kept her distance emotionally with me, and most (if not all) of the people in her life.  It took me 42 years to fully discover my self-worth and love.

My uncle’s daughter never got the emotional love and support from her father, which has created relationship issues in her life.  In talking with her, she said that her father constantly said that he would die at 65 when she was younger.  Was it a creation in his mind that he manifested as a self-fulfilling prophecy or was it his intuition?

Conversations with another cousin, my aunt’s daughter, have led to me to really explore what the heart problems are about in order to heal them in our generation, so we and our kids don’t experience the same fate as our parents and grandparents.  She had a couple of animal experiences during the worst of her mom’s situation that we took as messages from the Universe.  One was a moth and the other was a bird, specifically a swallow.

Moths represent moving towards the light and being guided by the light.  Her message was that she needed to keep having a positive life attitude, no matter what was happening to her mom or other things in her life.  Swallows represent self-love, so the message was that she needs to focus on loving herself and teaching her daughters the same thing.

The heart is in the fourth seal or chakra of the body, which represents love.  Ultimately, heart issues come down to loving oneself or lack thereof.  In the case of my family, they did not have realized self-love in their lives.  Their lack of love along with anger and resentment created the environment that was able to express the genetic predisposition of heart illness.

Knowing this now, my cousins and I have an opportunity to really examine our lives and our emotional attitudes to determine how much work there is to be done if we want to change the family health issues.  I am 45, so only 20 years away from the trigger age of 65.   My commitment to myself is that I will live in a way that is all about self-love.  This will allow me to be able to give the love and emotional attention to my partner and children that they want and need to thrive.  I feel fortunate that I have awareness of the patterns and what causes them, so that I can make different choices in my life.

When my cousin was visiting this past Christmas, I took her through a healing of our ancestral bloodline, so we could get to the root issue.  What we discovered was this lack of self-love goes back many generations to the time of the Vikings.  Our male ancestor came forth to show us his life of feeling unloved and unworthy that has been passed down our genetic line.  We went through a process to heal our ancestor and the rest of our lineage.  We are now the generation that makes the transition to self-love. In the quantum plane, this is so!

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